“Maybe Tonight”–What’re the Chances!

14 02 2010

Actually, “Maybe Tonight” Was a Very Popular Candy Slogan, And the Chances Were 1 in 8

I have no opinion—at all—on the color and expression changes made to conversation hearts. They’ve added and dropped sayings every year for as long as I can remember, so I don’t see why anyone would suddenly care. As for the color, as long as they’re even remotely pastel I see no cause for concern. I’m really just jumping here at the chance to pay homage to one of the best Arrested Development episodes ever (“Marta Complex”, original air date 2/8/04).

According to msnbc.com, your chances of getting the new “Tweet me” message are 1 in 80.

For a vintage (2004) assembly of statistical data on the average sack of conversation hearts, read this illustrated report. It’s thoroughly entertaining. Number of “U R A STAR” messages in their sample bag? Four. “U R A QT”? Ten. “U R A 10?” One. They reported five as unreadable (which seems low). Some of their “zero counts” are clever.

If you’re looking for the Sweethearts® Conversation Hearts iPhone® app or Twitter® account, you can find them here.


Mother Nature Goes A Little Bit Crazy with the Bronzer

23 09 2009

Blotchy, Irregular Application Leaves Parts of Earth As Orange, If Not As Ridiculous-Looking, As That Tanorexic Dude You Always See at the Gay Bar

The flooding in Georgia and a dust storm in Australia made for some pretty insane visuals:


L: This is something that happens. R: This is also something that happens.

In each case, mineralogy and meteorology collided for some OT-plague, vengeful-God grade activity. Holy crap, that Six Flags is gonna reek during Fright Fest®.

Six Flags

Atlanta, Georgia, USA; Northern Hemisphere, water and earth

Luna Park

Sydney, Australia; Southern Hemisphere, air and earth

There’re some pretty insane “before and after” comparison shots, or whatever you want to call them, mixed in among the rest of the 1000+ photographs on the Flickr pool that I lifted the Sydney images from. Of the two phenomena, the dust storm made for more interesting images—plus the death toll for the Southern-state flooding is at, like, 10, and I felt kinda ghoulish nosing around Google Images for something as frivolous as juxtaposition pics (you’ll notice, though, that it didn’t stop me).

Atlanta Wheel

Six Flags Over Georgia

Sydney Wheel

Luna Park Sydney

Two weeks.

Mars canteen from Total Recall

Street Date: HEALTH, “Get Color”

8 09 2009

Executioners Are Standing By, So Die Slow: 1-999-GET-COLOR. That’s 1-999-GET-COLOR. That Number Again, 1-999-GET-COLOR. Die Slow.

The new HEALTH album. It’s called Get Color. Don’t try to discern the lyrics. Don’t try to keep still. Do play this in a car full of your friends with the windows down, and do also try it alone with headphones and a bag of Twizzlers Sweet & Sour Filled Twists. This is the best album of the year—and I didn’t think anything was going to beat out Röyksopp’s Junior. When you listen to Get Color, you feel like a non-existent William Gibson character who travels back in time to the mid-1990s in a parallel universe where Brit Pop and the Matador record label don’t exist to play a White Wolf role-playing game to the death in some warehouse made of corrugated sex.

Don't worry, I will.

HEALTH, Get Color. Lovepump United, 2009.

You’ve probably already heard the Get Color track “Die Slow”. Of course, the year’s best single deserves the year’s best video. If you’re prudish or squeamish, there’s plenty to be offended by; if you’re down with all things visceral, there’s plenty to be excited by. Either way, this video’s gonna give you some sort of a charge. Writhing bodies, ritualistic vessel smashing, human sacrifice and choreographed dance inserts. Seldom does one get the opportunity to use the terms bloodbath and eye candy in the same sentence. Now’s your chance:

They directed that themselves. From what I understand, their shows are pretty intense, too.