Furverts Thrown Bone

1 07 2010

Yiffy Ad Campaign Continues to Cater to Niche Fetish

This zoomorphic Orangina ad campaign has been going strong for, like, two or three years now, but the new 10-second shaving spot caught my attention. It just went up on Orangina’s YouTube channel, which is where the company tests out its ads before moving the most popular ones to television. Oh, and if you think I’m being crass or presumptuous about the whole furry angle, just check out the “enthusiastic” comments left on the Orangina channel page. You’ll find that the usernames and avatars kinda speak for themselves.

Big game deodorizing with Orangina after big game.

Way to tap into the whole locker room fantasy thing, BTW. So here’s the deal with these print and video ads: talking animals walk erect among us, hanging out and hooking up with human beings as if this were the most normal thing in the world. Animal anatomies are barely zoomorphed. Toes are spread on hoofed mammals just enough to afford working digits; pupils are altered on carnivores just enough to express non-verbal cues.

Okay, so, animals. Not really original, but the approach is disciplined, so in theory I’m still on board.

Where they lose me is when they start messing with my semantic differentiation. I mean, my human brain is still pretty plastic, but my monkey brain doesn’t like being told to drink detergent. Oh, you mean I can put floor wax in my mouth and swallow it? Thanks for nothing, Mr. Yuk™. Depicting a soft drink as an H&BA item is pushing it—watching a female panda laud the merits of using Orangina as a douche definitely tested my limits, as did the zit-popping chameleon (as if lizards weren’t repellent enough). But depicting a known potable as a household cleaning agent seems counterintuitive for a reason.

Delusional puma aftershaving with Orangina before misbehaving with body hair-less cat.

This new one, though, which may or may not ever find its way to French TV, really makes me wanna take aerosol shots of Orange Pledge® right from the can (no wax, no buildup; removes up to 84% of allergens in dust). Because most furries are same-sex oriented, it was probably only a matter of time before Orangina reinforced the stereotype of homosexual men as shallow, mirror-gazing body fascists by slapping some abs on a lower mammal. And not just any lower mammal, but one from the Feliformia suborder: an effing cat!  Real nice—everybody knows they spend way too much time grooming.

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Plague of Bears To Be Unleashed on Select Theater Audiences as Punishment for Arriving Early

25 11 2009

Conservatives with Weakened Immune Systems Already Experiencing Allergic Reaction to Rare 11th Plague; Vaccine-Resistant Viral Clip May Also Convince Stubborn Eskimo to Rethink Unnecessary Air Travel, Free Israelites

You guys know I find politics gross, but I really wanna talk about this clip, and there’s no way to do it without trudging through hot-button sludge. So here goes. A nickel-bag environmentalist group in England somehow rustled up the funds to produce the following clip, which is blue-filtered and moody and Bolero-like and melodramatic and artsy and all of the things that a good theater commercial should be. That’s right, I like commercials—that doesn’t make me a capitalist any more than a conscious effort to reduce my carbon footprint makes me a communist.

Fueled by blind, impotent rage, scores of resentful, self-imagined guardians of truth instantly responded to this new threat with a barrage of climate statistics and strange references to Al Gore.  This counteroffensive, however, will probably prove ineffective against the bears, which are computer-generated and not really falling from the sky. YouTube is not the front, and the comments sections are not the trenches. Get over yourselves. You’re taking all of the good out of it, and ruining it for the rest of us.

There will be blood.

The channel that I embedded from is called “adsoftheworldcom“, and the theme of the channel is not global warming or climate change or making fun of birthers, but rather—you guessed it—ads of the world. It’s seemingly a repository for cool ads. That’s why I thought the comments for this clip might break YouTube precedent and actually be about style and technique and approach. It was naive of me, I now realize, to expect that the invisible chains of relevance would hold. Again, I thought we could all just enjoy the fact that it really looks like there are polar bears falling out of the sky. Yeah, the factoid is specious and the mammal use is over-the-top sentimental. Yeah, the cause is too niche. But the jet engine SFX are synchronized well, and incongruous imagery is always a treat. Usually the comments are an amusing supplement to any popular YouTube video, but today they just made me feel like I was living in a social Dark Age.

This is something that happens.

This is not something that happens. It looks really crazy, though, right?





Follow-Up Friday

23 10 2009

23 October 09: Carlos Freire’s Head, 2012, “ATTN #9”

At the risk of acting like the aggregate blogger that I pretend not to be, here are a few updates:

Flawless.

1. Made in Brazil added an assertive wrinkle to the ongoing unofficial A|X-Freire ornamental culture study.

Ima trade four houses in for a hotel.

2. Sony Pictures’ blandly-titled promotional YouTube channel “2012theMovie” has been in upload overdrive. There’re a couple of cool CGI featurettes which I really dug and which seem to indicate that the unprecedented CGI work will outshine the inevitably piss-poor plot. Tell that to The Onion.

we had some good times

3.  And finally, there was a slight Auto-Tune the News installment, which I’m not even going to dignify with a screencap. Worst. Episode. Ever.

As always, the suggestive natures of this post’s title, subtitle and internal structure do not in any way represent a commitment on my part to a regular feature.





Someone at Sony Pictures Has Snapped

5 10 2009

Fall Blockbuster Clip of Only Part Anyone Is Interested in Seeing Allowed to Circulate Unchecked; Need to Sit Through 110 Minutes of Cumbersome Exposition and Character Development Eliminated

Somebody thought it was a good idea to compress the entire California megaquake sequence down to one 5-minute edit and let it get around like your sister. I’m certainly not complaining; I’ve already watched it, like, fifty times. I just can’t fathom how this makes sense from a box office perspective. Everyone’s gonna see this clip, which means no one’s gonna bother going to a theater to pay for a smelly seat in a smelly room full of smelly strangers, since we all know that these are surely the film’s best bits:

And they just did some sort of Northern Hemisphere media blitz!

I’m not going to cry too much about all the goofy nonsense that distracts from the CGI—I don’t know what I was expecting—but I will cite a few examples. There is an audible “oh sh– [sic]” in the limo as it’s doused by raw sewage from a ruptured pipe. Get it? Lame. And a shotgun-shout of “doughnut”, which compounds the folly of an already-unfortunate sight gag, is reminiscent of Helen Hunt calling cow in Twister. Oh, and 2012’s protagonist also drives a car through a building:

We're going in!

It’s been done.

And no surprises on what sounds like a relatively set-in-stone score. I’m all for the jungle beats during the low fly over an uplift- and subsidence-ravaged main drag (which, I’m pleased to report, looks very much like those sepia photographs you always see of San Francisco streets after the 1906 earthquake), but all opposed to the chirpy woodwind flourishes—there’s never an excuse for the piccolo, as far as I’m concerned, and it strikes me as wildly inappropriate here, given that it occurs as the plane flies past a freeway span laden with people plummeting to their collective grisly demise. Speaking of which, this bitch totally needs more screams of abject terror from the people scurrying around on foot. I think we’re good on the horns and car alarms, but we need more screams. There’re a few good ones, but some of them sound more like people on a roller coaster, and the overall effect suffers where they do. Hopefully the post-production people are on that. Although they’re probably not.

mixer 1

These minor shortcomings

mixer 2

are excusable

mixer 3because

mixer 4

the cement mixer that

mixer 5

careens off the freeway

mixer 6

and crashes into the gas station

mixer 7

triggers a Milton hose

mixer 8

before exploding.

So, yeah. A+++ on the ear for detail. Also, I love how it happens on an otherwise beautiful morning. Blue sky, I mean, and all. Slick.





CGI More Polished in 2012 Japanese Trailer

28 08 2009

Trailer Contains Morsels Not Featured in Teaser Trailer, Feature Trailer or International Trailer

The Japanese trailer for 2012 just dropped. I think eager YouTube viewer “2001wazevedo” puts it best:

absolutamente

The SFX are inferior to previous trailer versions, but that’s a small price to pay for a 2012 trailer largely unburdened by melodramatic Carmina Burana-like warblings.

2012 new obelisk shot

Here’s an angle we hadn’t seen yet; note St. Peter’s obelisk going down in courtyard.

You can tell they’re still in post on this thing; for example, in the Japanese trailer, the layer timing is totally different for that already-iconic shot of the plane zooming away as California’s tectonic plate crumbs slide into the sea (somebody likes Titanic).

2012 new plate drop plane swoop

New carnage shot. I can’t get enough of those oscillating palm trees.

Speaking of which, I think that all the gaping-wounds-in-the-surface-of-the-earth stuff is going to be the hardest sell here. Somebody should tell the CGI team that cracks, crags and crevasses don’t look the way they think we think they look. At all. It’s tons of rock and earth, dudes. It’s not an eggshell. That supermarket sequence they keep showing us, where the wall and ceiling open up in a clean, amusement park-ride gash, looks particularly Humpty Dumpty ridiculous. I mean, I get that there’s no precedent to work from, no reference shots. But if you’ve ever seen the cartoonish and piss-poor ice shelf CGI work in The Day After Tomorrow, then you know that whoever’s signing off on this stuff has the sensibilities of a preschooler—which does not bode well. However, from what I can glean on IMDb, it looks like Digital Domain worked with different partners for 2012 (I may be misinterpreting the listings; I don’t know the first thing about this stuff). So who knows. I just hope they don’t harsh my mellow when they marsh California’s mallow.